Behind the Shadows part 2: My Scariest Things

There is nothing to be ashamed of for being scared of anything. It doesn't matter what it is. It is part of life. We're all scared of something. Sometimes, that something can be unhealthy and can get in the way of living life to the fullest—those who are "shut-ins," for instance. The fear of stepping outside is a real, paralyzing fear that a lot of people don't understand. People who say "face your fears" don't quite understand the seriousness of some fears. It isn't always that easy, and sometimes a fear can be a good thing, like the fear of running in front of a moving train. That fear, as many others, can keep someone alive. So let's share our fears without judgment. I'll share mine first...

• I have a fear of being rejected. I've faced it my entire childhood--being rejected by my peers. So, even as an adult, I say I don't like being left out. The truth of the matter is, I fear being rejected. I can handle being rejected by publishers, editors, readers, but as a person, when someone doesn't like me for whatever reason--I take it personally and it bothers me to the point where I can't let it go. I will go out of my way to "appear" different so I'm no longer disliked. Over the years, I've gotten better because of my husband, but it still bothers me. I know I can't please everyone, but being bullied for so long still has that effect on me.

• I have a fear of pain. I have a zero tolerance for pain, so when I say I'm hurting, I'm really hurting. Pain has actually caused me to pass out, more than once. Getting my gums numbed to get a few teeth pulled actually made me get close to passing out. The dentist helped calm me down, and I was able to get those teeth pulled. But now that fear has stopped me from going back. I can't push myself to go even though I know I have to. The fear is real, and it's paralyzing.

• I have a fear of cockroaches. As silly as that sounds, it's real. When Billy and I were in California, I was chased by one. I'm sure the crowd who watched thought it was funny, but for me, it wasn't. It literally chased me; it was not a dream. I ran in circles, trying to get away from it, and it kept following me. Finally, someone stepped on it, and Billy took me outside to calm me down.

• I fear being a failure. I work so hard to do what I do, and I love writing. But there's a little part of me deep down that's terrified, I won't succeed. I'm pretty sure it's my mother's voice that I've buried that says I won't do it. I heard her tell me so many times that I can't do this or do that, and I have failed at so many other things. Just failing in general scares me. It has kept me trying new things because I was scared I would fail. I have conquered many things, beating fear, but it hasn't been squished yet. It's a work in progress.

• I'm terrified of roller coasters. I was on one with my sister and came close to falling off it because she had to have the inside seat of the ride. And she laughed about it. To this day, if I get on any type of roller coaster, it's a kid's ride. I'm just better off watching everyone else get on the ride, watching from the sidelines.

So, those are my scariest things. It's a lot, I know, and there are a few minor things I didn't share. When I was a kid, depression was the only thing that messed me up. As an adult, I still face it, but now it's joined with anxiety. I don't remember when that exactly began, but it flares up so easily now. And breathing into a paper bag does not work; it only helps you hyperventilate more because now you're not getting oxygen. I tried it once just to see lol. I got dizzy from it.

What is one thing that scares you? Do you have a story behind it that you're willing to share?

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